Monday 25 April 2011

51

She thought she was going to be sick.
She could do nothing but stand there, staring back into her own eyes.
She felt so sick.
She traced her hand across her skin, pulling her fingers under her jaw, reaching up for her lips as they quivered so slightly.
Her knees, her legs, her arms, they felt so heavy.
Her chest felt as her ribs had finally been torn apart, and her heart lay bare and vulnerable.
It thudded, so loudly.
Thud. Thud. Thud.
Louder, and louder.
It pounded through her chest, her throat... she could feel it's loud pulse traverse across her skin.
Her eyes had become glassy, that sparkle of blue worn away to a blank expressionless stare.
She had never felt so human in her life, and it made her sick.
It made her feel so incredibly raw and vulnerable, it made her feel so unstable, so malleable, so...
So dependent.
Words began to feel difficult to say, to even utter.
Words of which she had promised never to feel, never even to contemplate.
Words she had sworn; were labels for things that never even existed.
But she stood there, faced towards the mirror, her eyes frozen into a glassy stare, with the words,
"Oh fuck." running through her head, over and over and over.
She couldn't help the memories that were forcing themselves into her mind, she couldn't help the way her hands shook as she struggled to deny the truth.
She couldn't help her dreams.
Those little vulnerable things, that refused to hide.
"And so, a tragedy occurs." he had conceded, so sweetly, so sadly.
And even in her dreams, she could feel her heart break.
She had never felt such raw emotional pain before, never to such extremities, and all from the words her dreams had conjured forth.
Her dreams had forced her to realize a terrifying truth, of which she knew, even now, she would persist to deny as long as her heart would allow.
She would deny the fact, that made her so sick, and so scared, that she had fallen.
She had fallen.
And in doing that, she knew she would never utter the words, the word, as long as her dreams kept at bay.
As long as her lips remained sealed, and his heart kept safe.

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