35

Thud. Thud. Thud.
As each day goes by, you've made my heart race just a beat quicker, and each time your skin touches mine, I swear it stops, for just one second.
You terrify me.
Fucking hell, I'm petrified of you, and yet, I continue to grow closer to you, my defenses for once obsolete and futile.
I am defenseless.
I am fucking defenseless.
And, the funny thing is; I know.
I know that this, this fragile imperfect vulnerability, this trust, this uncontrollable indecipherable magnetism, is just what I've been protecting myself from, all this time.
I know that.
I know I've succeeded in the past.
I've succeeded to such extents, that I've earned the title of "Emotionally Dead Inside," "The Ice Queen."
I can hear the words, I've heard the words:
"Her... Her? Ah. Yes. Her. One day, you'll meet a wall, a wall of which you'll never get past."
"...Never."
"Never ever."
And yet... you did it.
I know you have.
You got past that wall.
Fucking hell, By now you've broken through so many, I've come to a point in which I willingly give you the key, knowing I've surrendered.
Knowing I've surrendered to the magnetism, to the chemistry, to the pure indecipherable desire to just... be next to you.
To just... tell you things.
To just... be vulnerable with you.
And not only that, but that pure unadulterated bliss of knowing, that you do the same.
That you're terrified. That you freak out. That you, just like me, are battling with defenses.
I like knowing that.
And I like how we both just squeeze the others hand, that little bit more, when we know the other begins to grow scared.

You scare me. And I scare you. In fact, you and I?
We petrify each other, push each other to panic attacks, and crumbling defenses, shaking hands and underlying insecurities, and yet, in the end, it's each other we turn to, to dispel that fear.

For that... For that... I just.. Plain and simply... Submit.
I submit.
Terrify me. Petrify me.
I still submit.
Simply because you make me so very happy.

And you're very, very, wonderfully so, you.